Blood On My Windshield/Transcript


 * Rebecca Parham: (narration) I live in Texas and in Texas, there is an abundance of wild life, which means there's an abundance of road kill, which means there's an abundance of buzzards. Abundance. So about the time that I graduated high school, one day, my mom and I were driving down the highway And just ahead of us, on the median strip, was something that you see a lot in my area; a deer carcass and a buzzard feeding on it. Now, when you're young and you are trying to learn how to drive in my neck of the woods they always say...
 * Driving Teacher "Watch the buzzards on the side of the road, because they're bad flyers and they especially have trouble taking off from the ground."
 * Rebecca Parham: (narration) So my mom and I are keeping an eye on this buzzard ahead of us and in his beak is a huge chunk of carrion. (record scratch) "Carrion", the word of the day means dead, decaying meat. Even at that distance, I could see he had bitten off more than he can chew *whispers loudly* Pun intended. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) And as we get closer, he starts flapping his wings... (in animation) "He wouldn't..!"
 * Ann Parham: "Uuh... He might."
 * Rebecca Parham: (narration) And he did... (in animation) "*gasp*" (narration) I start yelling! Mom is yelling! There is no time to slam on the brakes! And! At the last possible second!.... *tires screeching* *Splat!!* (in animation) "Oh *Censored" (narration) The buzzard dropped the bloody, putrid meat all over the front of our car! GUYS! THE SMELL!!! Words cannot describe the puke factor here! My screams of terror had subsided into that shocked laughter that you sometimes do when you have a near-death experience. Yeah! Couple that... with violent gagging! [laughs nervously] [gagging] [more laughing] [more gagging] Mom, being the responsible adult that she is, immediately pulled into a self-serve carwash And I... pulled out my camera. In another million years will that happen. *muttering* "Uh, my god, look at that." "Oh, look at where it- is"
 * Ann Parham: "Are you filming it?"
 * Rebecca Parham: "So Mom...You want to explain us what just happened?"
 * Ann Parham: "We were driving down [NAAAAAME] and a... frickin' BUZZARD (┛◉Д◉)┛ flew over the road... and was like, flying low. And I honestly thought we were going to hit it. And it held a bunch of crap in it's... beak and as we drove underneath it, it dropped all of its stuff on top of my car."
 * [Rebecca laughing]
 * Ann Parham: "And Becca said a dirty word.."
 * Rebecca Parham: "Well, who wouldn't with this stuff all over the front of the car." ... We were late to wherever we were going. Watch for buzzards, kids.